Choosing a Funeral Home: What to Look For

You probably have a few days, at most, to pick a funeral home. You're grieving, you're exhausted, and the first call you make is going to shape the next week of your life — the cost, the tone of the service, even how much space you have to grieve instead of run errands. Choosing a funeral home well doesn't require special knowledge. It requires knowing what questions to ask and what a fair answer looks like.

This guide walks you through it. What to look for, what to ignore, what the law actually entitles you to, and how to avoid spending thousands more than you need to. No jargon. No pressure.

Start With What You Actually Need

Before you call anyone, decide roughly what kind of service you're after. You don't need a final answer — just a direction.

• Traditional funeral: visitation, service, burial. The most expensive option.
• Memorial service: a service without the body present, often after cremation. More flexible on timing and venue.
• Direct cremation or direct burial: no viewing, no formal service at the funeral home. You handle any memorial yourself, later.
• Graveside-only service: a short ceremony at the cemetery, no chapel.

Here's the thing: funeral homes will often steer you toward the option that costs the most. If you walk in already knowing you want a direct cremation with a memorial at the family's church, you're much harder to upsell.

Questions to Answer Before You Call

• Did the person leave written wishes? Check a will, a prepaid funeral plan, or a note in their papers.
• Burial or cremation?
• Religious service, secular, or a mix?
• Roughly how many people will attend?
• What's your honest budget?

You don't need perfect answers. Rough ones are enough to stop a salesperson from filling the gaps for you.

What Makes a Good Funeral Home

A good funeral home isn't the fanciest one. It's the one that treats you like a person, gives you clear prices, and doesn't rush you. A few signs to look for:

• Licensed and in good standing. Every state licenses funeral homes and directors. You can check with your state's funeral board online.
• Transparent pricing. The Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule requires every U.S. funeral home to give you a written General Price List (GPL) on request, in person or over the phone. If they dodge this, walk away.
• Willing to itemize. You should be able to buy services a la carte — not just packages.
• Clear answers, no pressure. Good directors explain options. They don't say "most families in your situation choose…"
• Experience with your traditions. If you need a specific religious rite, a military honors ceremony, or a service in a second language, ask directly whether they've handled it recently.

Red Flags

• Refusing to quote prices over the phone. This violates the Funeral Rule.
• Pushing packages when you ask about individual items.
• Suggesting that "a nicer casket shows how much you loved them." This is a sales tactic. It is not true.
• Claiming embalming is required by law. In almost every state, it isn't — unless the body is being transported across state lines or held for many days.
• Making you feel guilty for asking about cost.

The good news? Most funeral directors are decent people doing hard work. But the industry has its bad actors, and grief makes you an easy mark. Trust your instincts. If a place feels wrong, the next place on your list is probably better.

How to Compare Funeral Homes

You don't need to tour five funeral homes. Two or three is enough.

1. Get the General Price List from each. Ask for it by name. They are legally required to hand it over.
2. Compare the basic services fee. This is the non-declinable charge for the funeral director's time and overhead. It's often the single biggest line item and it varies wildly — sometimes $1,500 at one home and $4,000 at another down the street.
3. Compare the specific things you want. Cremation fee. Casket prices. Transportation. Use of the chapel. Add these up — don't just compare the "package" totals, because packages hide add-ons.
4. Call a couple you didn't plan to use. A ten-minute phone call with a competing funeral home is the best price-check you'll get.
5. Ask about third-party casket and urn purchases. Under the Funeral Rule, a funeral home cannot refuse a casket you bought elsewhere, and cannot charge a handling fee for it. Online casket retailers sell the same caskets for a fraction of the price.

A Sample Cost Comparison

Two funeral homes in the same town, both reputable, both licensed:

Funeral Home A: Basic services fee $2,200. Cremation $495. Transport $325. Refrigeration $150. Urn (provided) $150. Total: $3,320

Funeral Home B: Basic services fee $3,800. Cremation $695. Transport $450. Refrigeration $250. Urn (provided) $295. Total: $5,490

Same service, same outcome, $2,000 difference. This isn't unusual. This is why you call more than one.

Questions to Ask on the First Call

Write these down before you pick up the phone. Your memory is not going to be reliable this week.

• What is your basic services fee?
• Can you email me a copy of your General Price List?
• How soon can you pick up the body?
• Do you have availability for a service on [date you're considering]?
• If we're going with cremation, is the crematory on-site or outsourced? (On-site isn't better or worse — you just want to know.)
• What's included in the basic services fee and what isn't?
• Do you charge a fee if we supply our own casket or urn?
• Are there any costs that aren't on the GPL — death certificates, clergy honoraria, cemetery fees?

Let me explain that last one. Cash advance items — things the funeral home pays for on your behalf, like clergy fees, musicians, and obituaries — can add another $500 to $2,000. Ask for those up front.

Working With the Funeral Director

Once you've picked a funeral home, the funeral director becomes your point person for everything. You can expect them to:

• Transport the body from the place of death
• File the death certificate and order copies (you'll need at least 10)
• Coordinate with the cemetery or crematory
• Prepare the body (embalming, dressing, casketing, or cremation)
• Handle the service logistics — chapel, flowers, programs, music
• Submit the obituary to local papers, if you want one

What they are not: grief counselors, therapists, or clergy. Some are warm. Some are brisk. Neither is wrong. You want competent and respectful.

Bring Someone With You to the Arrangements Meeting

Seriously. Bring a friend, a sibling, anyone who isn't as close to the loss as you are. Arrangements meetings typically last one to three hours, involve hundreds of small decisions, and end with a contract that costs thousands of dollars. A second set of ears catches upsells, remembers what you said five minutes ago, and can step in when you hit a wall.

If you go alone, bring a notebook and take written notes. Ask for the itemized contract to review before signing. A good director will not mind this. A bad one will.

Paying for a Funeral

This section is short because the situation is simple and grim: funerals are expensive, and most families underestimate the cost.

• Prepaid plans. If the person who died prepaid a plan, contact that funeral home first. The plan travels with them.
• Life insurance. Policies sometimes include a funeral advance. Some funeral homes will accept direct assignment of a policy, so you don't pay out of pocket.
• Veterans' benefits. The VA provides free burial in a national cemetery and partial reimbursement for service-related deaths. Your funeral director can help you apply.
• Social Security. A one-time $255 lump-sum death payment to a surviving spouse or dependent. That's it.
• Crowdfunding. GoFundMe and similar services have become common. There is no shame in this.
• Low-cost options. Direct cremation is the cheapest standard option. Home funerals and green burials are legal in most states and can cost a fraction of a traditional service.

But there's a catch with every "package deal" pitched as a discount. Packages are designed to bundle high-margin items with things you actually need. Itemize everything. Pay for what you want.

What to Do After You've Chosen

Once you sign the contract, most of the heavy lifting shifts to the funeral director. Your remaining jobs:

• Gather information for the death certificate (full legal name, parents' names, Social Security number, veteran status).
• Decide on burial clothes or the urn.
• Write or request the obituary.
• Notify family and close friends about the date and location.
• Start thinking about the eulogy, if you're giving one.

That last one is often the part that hits hardest. A funeral home can handle logistics. They can't write the words you'll stand up and say. If you want help turning a few memories and answers into a finished eulogy, our service at Eulogy Expert can do that for you — you answer a short questionnaire, we generate four drafts you can choose from and edit.

Frequently Asked Questions

How much should a funeral home cost?

A traditional funeral in the U.S. runs about $7,000 to $12,000 before cemetery costs. Direct cremation is far cheaper, often $1,000 to $3,000. Prices vary by region and by funeral home, which is why getting a written General Price List from two or three providers is worth the hour it takes.

Do I have to use the funeral home the hospital recommends?

No. Hospitals and hospices often have a short list they hand out, but you are free to pick any licensed funeral home. You can also have the body transported from one funeral home to another if you change your mind.

Can I negotiate with a funeral home?

You usually can't negotiate the price of caskets and services the way you would a car, but you can refuse package deals and pick only the items you want. The Funeral Rule gives you the right to itemized pricing and the right to supply your own casket or urn.

How soon do I need to pick a funeral home?

Usually within 24 to 48 hours of the death, because the body needs to be moved from the place of death. If you need more time, most hospitals and hospices will hold the body briefly. You can also ask a funeral home to pick the body up and hold it while you decide on services.

What's the difference between a funeral home and a mortuary?

In practice, the terms are used interchangeably. Both handle body preparation, paperwork, and services. Some mortuaries focus more on the preparation side and contract out chapel space, but for most families the distinction doesn't matter.

Related Reading

If you'd like more help, these may be useful:

• Writing a eulogy for a mother
• Writing a eulogy for a father
• How to start a eulogy

Ready to Write Your Eulogy?

Once the funeral home is handling the logistics, the part left to you is often the words. A eulogy doesn't have to be long and it doesn't have to be perfect. It has to sound like the person you loved.

If you'd like help putting one together, our service at Eulogy Expert can build a personalized draft from your answers to a few simple questions. You'll get four versions to choose from, so you can pick the tone that feels right and adjust from there.