How to Write an Obituary
Somebody you love has died, and now someone has to write the obituary — a short public announcement of the death that will go in the newspaper, on the funeral home's website, and on Facebook. If that someone is you, and you've never done it before, this post walks through how to write an obituary step by step, with templates and examples you can adapt.
The whole thing should take an hour or two. It's not a great American novel. It's a short, honest piece of writing that tells the world this person lived, mattered, and is gone. You can do this.
What an Obituary Actually Is
An obituary is a short public announcement of someone's death, usually 150 to 400 words, that tells readers:
- Who died
- When and (optionally) how
- A brief picture of their life
- Who survives them
- Funeral or memorial details
- Where donations can be made in their name
The audience is the broader community — extended family, old friends, neighbors, former coworkers, people who knew the person at some point. Most of them will read the obituary once and never again. Your job is to make that one read feel like it captured something true.
The Basic Structure
Most obituaries follow the same rough template. You can adapt it heavily or stick close to it — both work.
[Full name], [age], of [city, state], died [date] at [place]. [He/she/they] was born [date] in [city] to [parents' full names, including mother's maiden name]. [Two or three sentences about their life — education, career, family, interests]. [One or two specific, personal details]. [He/she/they] is survived by [list of close family]. [He/she/they] was preceded in death by [list]. A funeral service will be held [date, time, location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [charity]. [Funeral home name] is handling arrangements.
That's the skeleton. Start there and add the real details that make the person recognizable.
Step 1: Gather the Facts
Before you write anything, collect the basic information. This is the part that goes wrong most often — wrong middle name, wrong date, wrong hometown. Get it right the first time.
You'll need:
- Full legal name (including maiden name, if applicable)
- Nickname, if used often
- Age at death
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of death
- Parents' full names (including mother's maiden name)
- Spouse's full name
- Children's names (and their spouses, if listed)
- Grandchildren's names or count
- Siblings' names
- Education (high school, colleges)
- Military service branch and dates
- Career summary
- Religious affiliation, if any
- Funeral service date, time, and place
- Preferred charity for donations
Get these from the immediate family. Don't guess. Getting someone's high school wrong or leaving a sibling off the list can upset people for years.
Step 2: Choose What Kind of Obituary You Want to Write
There are really two approaches. Pick one before you start:
The Formal Obituary
Traditional structure, third person, slightly formal tone. Reads like a short biography. Good for large families, religious communities, and small-town newspapers.
The Personal Obituary
Looser, more conversational, sometimes first person from a family member. Includes specific stories, quirks, and humor. Works especially well online and in larger cities.
Either approach is fine. A formal obituary doesn't have to be stiff, and a personal obituary doesn't have to be casual. Pick the one that fits the person and the venue.
Step 3: Write the Opening Line
The first line is the hardest. It has to do a lot in very few words. A few formulas that work:
Formal:
Margaret Ellen O'Connor, 82, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, died peacefully on April 10, 2026, at the Mercy Medical Center after a short illness.
Slightly warmer:
Jim Reynolds — husband, father, grandfather, and the loudest voice at every Thanksgiving for fifty years — died on April 9, 2026, at his home in Portland, Maine. He was 77.
Personal:
Our mother, Rose Patel, died on April 11, 2026, three weeks before her 85th birthday. She was born in Mumbai in 1941 and spent the last sixty years of her life in Chicago, which she loved in every season except February.
Pick one tone and stay in it. Don't start formal and get personal halfway through.
Step 4: Write the Life Summary
The next paragraph covers the arc of the person's life: where they were born, where they went to school, what they did for a living, who they married, who their kids are. Keep this factual and tight.
Example:
Margaret was born on March 4, 1944, in Dubuque, Iowa, to Patrick and Eileen (Murphy) O'Connor. She graduated from Dubuque Senior High in 1962 and earned her nursing degree from Clarke College in 1966. She married Thomas O'Connor on June 15, 1967, at St. Columbkille Church. Margaret worked as a pediatric nurse at Mercy Medical Center for 38 years, where she was known for singing to children in the recovery room.
Look at that last sentence. That's the one people will remember. Include at least one specific, true detail like that.
Step 5: Write the Personal Section
This is where the obituary stops being a form and starts being a person. Write two or three sentences about who they actually were — what they loved, what they were known for, what the family will remember.
The rule is: specific beats general every time.
Don't write: "She was a loving mother who enjoyed gardening."
Write: "She grew tomatoes that were too big to fit in a sandwich and gave them away by the bagful every August. She wrote her children a birthday letter every year of their lives."
Don't write: "He had a great sense of humor and loved his family."
Write: "He told the same six jokes for forty years and laughed at them every time. He drove to his grandson's baseball games in Nebraska twice a month for three seasons, a six-hour round trip, and said it was the best part of his retirement."
Pick one or two things that were genuinely true about this person and that no generic obituary would contain. That's the heart of the piece.
Step 6: List the Survivors and Predeceased
Convention is to list survivors in order of closeness:
- Spouse
- Children (with their spouses, often in parentheses)
- Grandchildren (by name or count)
- Great-grandchildren (usually by count)
- Parents, if still living
- Siblings (with their spouses)
- Nieces, nephews, extended family (usually summarized as "and many nieces and nephews")
Example format:
She is survived by her husband of 56 years, Thomas O'Connor; her children, Kevin (Lisa) O'Connor of Chicago, Patricia Henderson of Madison, and Michael O'Connor of Dubuque; seven grandchildren; and her sister, Theresa Murphy of Dubuque.
Then list the predeceased:
She was preceded in death by her parents and her brother, Daniel O'Connor.
Get the names and relationships right. This section gets the most scrutiny.
Step 7: Add the Funeral Details
Include:
- Date, time, and location of the visitation, if any
- Date, time, and location of the funeral or memorial service
- Name of the officiant, if relevant
- Cemetery or interment details
- Whether the service is public or private
Example:
Visitation will be held on Tuesday, April 14, from 4:00 to 7:00 PM at Goodwin Funeral Home. A funeral Mass will be celebrated on Wednesday, April 15, at 10:00 AM at St. Columbkille Church, with burial to follow at Mount Calvary Cemetery. A reception will follow at the church hall. Family and friends are welcome.
If the service is private, just say so:
A private family service will be held at a later date.
Step 8: Charitable Donations and Closing
It's standard to suggest a charity in lieu of flowers. Pick something the person cared about.
In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Cancer Society or the Cedar Rapids Public Library.
Close with the funeral home handling arrangements:
Arrangements are being handled by Goodwin Funeral Home. Online condolences may be left at goodwinfh.com.
A Full Example: Traditional
Here's what a complete traditional obituary looks like, put together:
Margaret Ellen O'Connor, 82, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, died peacefully on April 10, 2026, at Mercy Medical Center after a short illness.
Margaret was born on March 4, 1944, in Dubuque, Iowa, to Patrick and Eileen (Murphy) O'Connor. She graduated from Dubuque Senior High in 1962 and earned her nursing degree from Clarke College in 1966. She married Thomas O'Connor on June 15, 1967, at St. Columbkille Church. Margaret worked as a pediatric nurse at Mercy Medical Center for 38 years, where she was known for singing to children in the recovery room and keeping a jar of Dum-Dums in her desk.
She loved her garden, her book club, the Chicago Cubs, and her grandchildren — in that order, she would say, though everyone knew the grandchildren came first. She wrote each of them a letter on their birthday every year of their lives.
Margaret is survived by her husband, Thomas O'Connor; her children, Kevin (Lisa) O'Connor of Chicago, Patricia Henderson of Madison, and Michael O'Connor of Dubuque; seven grandchildren; and her sister, Theresa Murphy of Dubuque. She was preceded in death by her parents and her brother, Daniel O'Connor.
Visitation will be held on Tuesday, April 14, from 4:00 to 7:00 PM at Goodwin Funeral Home. A funeral Mass will be celebrated on Wednesday, April 15, at 10:00 AM at St. Columbkille Church, with burial at Mount Calvary Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the American Cancer Society or Clarke College.
Arrangements are being handled by Goodwin Funeral Home.
That's 320 words. Fits comfortably in most local papers. Hits every required element.
A Full Example: Personal
Here's the same kind of life, written in a more personal voice:
Our dad, Jim Reynolds, died on Saturday morning at home, with all of us there. He was 77 and he was ready.
Jim was born in 1948 in a farmhouse outside Augusta, Maine, the youngest of five kids. He joined the Navy at 18, came back four years later with a tattoo he regretted immediately, and spent the next forty years as an electrician in Portland. He married our mom, Susan, in 1971. She is somehow still laughing at his jokes.
Jim built the kitchen table we all still eat at. He taught every one of us to drive, in the same 1987 Chevy, and to this day none of us will parallel park without his voice in our heads. He had six grandchildren and he learned all their friends' names, which we could not do if we tried. He cried at the end of Field of Dreams every single time and pretended he wasn't.
Dad leaves behind our mom, Susan; his kids, Tom (Maria), Linda (Greg), and Joe; six grandchildren; his sister, Barb Sullivan; and a workshop full of tools we have no idea what to do with. He was predeceased by his brothers Bob, Frank, and Ed, and his parents.
A celebration of life will be held on Saturday, April 18, at 2:00 PM at the VFW Hall in South Portland. Come in whatever you'd wear to a ballgame. In lieu of flowers, buy someone a beer and tell them a story.
Same information, completely different tone. Either is fine. Pick what fits.
Where to Publish
Once the obituary is written, publish it in a few places:
- The funeral home's website. Free, and the funeral home will often post it for you.
- Legacy.com. Free, and it mirrors a lot of newspaper obituaries automatically.
- The local newspaper. Paid, usually by the word. Submit online through the paper's obituary page.
- The person's hometown paper, if different from where they died. This matters — old friends still read hometown papers.
- Facebook. Post from the deceased's account (if you have access) or a family member's. Share in any community groups they belonged to.
- Alumni magazines or professional journals, if appropriate.
You don't need all of these. The funeral home website plus one newspaper (or Legacy.com) covers most cases.
Common Mistakes
A few things to watch for:
- Getting names wrong. Double-check every name, including middle names and spouses' names. Read the draft aloud to a family member who knows everyone.
- Leaving someone out. Go through the family tree deliberately. A forgotten niece or the second wife of a brother will cause friction at the funeral.
- Writing too long. Newspapers charge by the word. Cut ruthlessly — if it doesn't add information or feeling, delete it.
- Clichés. "She will be deeply missed." "He was a loving husband and devoted father." These are filler. Replace them with specific details.
- Getting the funeral time wrong. This is the one that actually matters for logistics. Check it twice.
A Short Template You Can Copy
If you want to just get it done:
[FULL NAME], [AGE], of [CITY], died [DATE] at [PLACE]. [He/She/They] was born [DATE] in [CITY] to [PARENTS' NAMES].
[TWO-SENTENCE LIFE SUMMARY: education, career, marriage.]
[TWO-SENTENCE PERSONAL SUMMARY: what they loved, what they were known for, one specific memorable detail.]
[He/She/They] is survived by [LIST]. [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [LIST].
[SERVICE DETAILS]. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [CHARITY]. Arrangements by [FUNERAL HOME].
Fill in the blanks. Revise once. Send it.
Related Reading
If you'd like more help, these may be useful:
Ready to Write Your Eulogy?
The obituary is the public, factual version. The eulogy is the longer, personal version you give at the service itself. They're different pieces of writing with different jobs, and most families end up writing both.
If you're facing the eulogy next and don't know where to start, our service at Eulogy Expert can write a personalized eulogy based on a short form about the person who died. You fill out a few questions about who they were and what mattered to them, and we generate four versions you can adapt. If that would help, start the form here. Either way, the obituary is done once you send it — and that's one thing off your list this week.