Jewish Eulogy for a Grandmother: A Faith-Based Tribute Guide

Writing a Jewish eulogy for a grandmother is a sacred task, and it is also a practical one. You are grieving. You are probably sitting with relatives you have not seen in years, answering phone calls, and trying to find a black dress that fits. And now you need to stand up at the funeral and say something true about the woman who raised half your family.

This guide will walk you through it. You will learn what a hesped is, how Jewish tradition shapes what you say, and how to structure a eulogy that honors your grandmother without forcing you to write a sermon. Sample passages are included that you can adapt to your own story.

What a Hesped Is (and Isn't)

In Jewish tradition, a eulogy is called a hesped. The word means lament or praise, and the practice goes back to the Torah—Abraham eulogized Sarah, and the custom has continued for thousands of years since. A hesped has two jobs: to honor the person who died, and to help the mourners grieve.

Here is the thing: a hesped is not a biography. You do not need to list every job your grandmother held or every city she lived in. You need to tell the truth about who she was—her middot (character traits), her values, and the small, specific moments that reveal them.

Jewish law actually discourages exaggeration in a hesped. The Talmud says you should praise the deceased for the qualities they genuinely had, and perhaps slightly more than they had—but not wildly more. If your grandmother was not a saint, do not make her one. Say what was real.

How a Hesped Differs From a Secular Eulogy

Most of the structural rules are the same. You open, you tell stories, you close. But a few things mark a hesped as distinctly Jewish:

• Hebrew name: You may include her Hebrew name, often with her father's or mother's name (e.g., Miriam bat Yaakov v'Sarah).
• Zichrona livracha: The phrase "may her memory be a blessing" typically follows her name. In writing, it is often abbreviated z"l.
• Emphasis on deeds: Judaism values actions over feelings. A hesped leans on what she did—who she helped, what she built, how she kept a home.
• No embalming rush: Jewish funerals usually happen within 24 to 48 hours of death, so you may have very little time to write.

Jewish Values to Anchor Your Eulogy

If you are not sure what to say, think in terms of Jewish values. These are the traits Jewish tradition holds up as a life well lived:

• Chesed — loving-kindness. Did she drop off soup when someone was sick? Visit the shiva house of strangers? Take in a cousin who needed a bed?
• Tzedakah — righteousness and charity. Did she give quietly, without needing credit? Did she teach you to always have a few dollars ready for someone who asked?
• Shalom bayit — peace in the home. Was she the one who held the family together at holidays, who refused to let arguments fester?
• Kibud av va'em — honoring parents. How did she treat her own parents? What did she teach you about honoring hers?
• Hachnasat orchim — welcoming guests. Was her door always open? Did Shabbat dinner somehow always have room for one more?

Pick two or three of these. Build the eulogy around them. Each one should be illustrated with a specific story, not stated as a label.

How to Structure the Eulogy

A hesped usually runs 5 to 10 minutes. That is roughly 700 to 1,200 words spoken aloud. Here is a structure that works:

1. Opening — Name her (English and Hebrew), acknowledge the room, set the tone.
2. Who she was — Two or three character traits, rooted in Jewish values.
3. Stories — Two or three specific memories that show those traits in action.
4. What she taught you — Lessons, recipes, phrases, habits that live on in the family.
5. Closing — A blessing, a line of scripture or prayer, and zichrona livracha.

You do not need every part. If you only have the stories, the stories are enough.

Opening Lines That Work

Your first sentence carries a lot of weight. Here are a few openings you can adapt:

My grandmother, Rivka bat Moshe v'Chana, z"l, was not a woman of many words. She was a woman of many meals. If you were in her kitchen, you were going to eat, and you were going to eat well, whether you were hungry or not.

We called her Bubbe. The name fit her better than any other. Esther Goldberg, z"l, was born in Brooklyn in 1931 and never met a grandchild she did not try to feed, fatten, and marry off.

I want to tell you about my grandmother, Sarah bat Avraham, z"l, but I also want to tell you what she taught me—because the two are the same thing.

Notice what these do. They name her. They ground her in a specific detail. And they promise the listener a real portrait, not a list of adjectives.

Sample Passages to Adapt

Below are four sample passages covering different traits. Use them as templates.

Passage on Chesed (Kindness)

Bubbe's chesed was not loud. She did not announce it. She simply made sure no one in her orbit ever felt alone. When my cousin Danny was going through his divorce, Bubbe called him every Sunday night at seven o'clock for two years. She did not give advice. She asked about his week, she told him what she cooked, and she said I love you before she hung up. That was her chesed. It looked like a phone call. It felt like a lifeline.

Passage on Hachnasat Orchim (Welcoming Guests)

Her Shabbat table had no limit. If you mentioned on Thursday that a coworker was new to the city, by Friday that coworker had a seat. My grandfather would count the chairs and shake his head, and my grandmother would say, "So we'll add one." There was always room. There was always food. There was always a place for the person who had nowhere else to be.

Passage on Tzedakah (Righteousness)

She kept a pushke on the windowsill above the sink—one of those blue-and-white tin boxes from the JNF. Every time she came home with change, it went in. Every time I visited, she pointed at it and said, "Put something in." She never told me what cause it was for. I do not think she cared, as long as the box was full when the collector came.

Passage on What She Taught You

My grandmother taught me how to make her brisket, but she never wrote the recipe down. "You have to feel it," she would say, which drove me crazy for about ten years. Now I get it. The brisket was never the point. The point was that I was in her kitchen, with her hands next to mine, and we were making something that would feed the people we loved. She gave me the recipe. She also gave me the reason to cook it.

What to Do if You Only Have a Day

Jewish funerals move fast. If you are reading this the night before the service, here is the short version:

1. Write down five specific memories. Not themes—memories. The time she did X. The day she said Y.
2. Pick the two or three that reveal the most about her character.
3. Write a one-sentence opening that names her (Hebrew name if you know it) and sets the tone.
4. Write each memory as a short paragraph. Do not explain the moral. Let the story carry it.
5. Close with one line—a blessing, a scripture verse, or a simple "May her memory be a blessing."

Read it out loud once. Time it. If it runs over ten minutes, cut. If it runs under three, add one more memory. You are done.

Scripture and Prayers You Can Include

You do not need to quote scripture, but if you want to, a few passages are traditional for a woman of valor:

• Proverbs 31:10-31 — Eshet Chayil, "A Woman of Valor." Often read at Jewish funerals for a grandmother, mother, or wife. You can quote the whole passage or a single verse.
• Psalm 23 — "The Lord is my shepherd." Appears in both Jewish and Christian services, but has deep Jewish roots.
• Psalm 121 — "I lift up my eyes to the mountains." A psalm of protection, often read in mourning.
• El Malei Rachamim — The traditional prayer for the soul of the deceased. Usually chanted by the rabbi or cantor; you do not need to include it yourself.

A single verse is often more powerful than a long passage. Pick one that actually reflects her, not one that sounds impressive.

Delivering the Hesped

A few practical notes for the day of:

• Print it large. 14-point font, double-spaced. Your hands will shake.
• Bring water. Your mouth will go dry.
• Pause after her name. Let the room settle.
• If you cry, cry. No one expects you to be steady. Take a breath and keep going.
• Look up at least twice. At the end of each story, find a face in the room. Speak to that person for a sentence.

You are not auditioning. You are saying goodbye in front of the people who loved her too.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Jewish eulogy called?

A Jewish eulogy is called a hesped. The word comes from the Hebrew root meaning to lament or praise the dead. It is traditionally delivered at the funeral service before burial, and sometimes again at the shiva house during the week of mourning.

How long should a Jewish eulogy for a grandmother be?

Most hespedim run 5 to 10 minutes, or roughly 700 to 1,200 words. If more than one grandchild is speaking, aim for 3 to 5 minutes each so the service stays focused. Check with the rabbi about timing before you write.

Can I use humor in a Jewish eulogy?

Yes. Jewish tradition values honesty over flattery, and a warm story that makes people smile is part of honoring who your grandmother actually was. Avoid anything embarrassing or unkind, but gentle humor fits the tone of a hesped.

Should I include Hebrew phrases or prayers?

You can, but you do not have to. Common additions include her Hebrew name, the phrase zichrona livracha (may her memory be a blessing), or a short line from Proverbs 31. If you are not comfortable with Hebrew, the rabbi will handle the liturgical parts.

Who usually gives the eulogy at a Jewish funeral?

The rabbi often speaks, and family members—children, grandchildren, siblings—are invited to share hespedim as well. There is no fixed number of speakers. Coordinate with your family and the officiating rabbi so the service flows well.

Related Reading

If you'd like more help, these may be useful:

• Writing a eulogy for a mother
• Writing a eulogy for a father
• How to start a eulogy

Ready to Write Your Eulogy?

If you are staring at a blank page and the funeral is tomorrow, we can help. Answer a few questions about your grandmother—her name, her character, a few stories—and our service will draft a personalized Jewish eulogy you can refine in your own voice. Start at eulogyexpert.com/form. May her memory be a blessing.